Chippendales Are Us
by Mistress Lrigtar
Summary: When a scam goes bad, Face finds he's signed a contract for the team to work at a nightclub. Now he has to figure out a way to get out of the contract and get the teams' help in the process
1. Chapter 1

**Title: **Chippendales Are Us

**Author: **Mistress Lrigtar

**Disclaimer: **The A-Team is property of Stephen Cannell and company. I'm just having a little fun with the colorful characters he created.

**Chapter One**

The bar was nice enough, as far as bars go. The shelves behind the counter were lined with varying brands of liquor, wine, and beer they had available. There were even a few imports. At the back of the establishment was a stage where local bands played on the weekends.  
There were even a few posters plastered in the front window advertising upcoming events at the bar.

Face hefted a stack of similar posters and his briefcase in one hand and lugged a box of some sort behind him with the other. He had chosen this bar after much deliberation and investigation. It wasn't too central a location to attract undue attention, but central enough to have a steady clientele and profit.

He walked over to the bar. The barman was polishing glasses, getting ready for the Happy Hour crowd and eyed Face.

"Good afternoon, sir," Face said, placing his posters on the bar top and setting the box on the floor by his feet.

"Afternoon," the barkeep replied. "What can I do you for?"

Face smiled and held out his hand. "I'm Templeton Peck."

"Harry Roberts," the bartender replied, not offering his hand in return. "If you don't want a drink, we ain't open."

Face's grin broadened. "Mr. Roberts, I see you are a man who means business. That is very good to hear. Very good."

"What exactly do you want, mister?" Harry said, shelving the glass and placing both hands on the bar to peer closer at Face. "You ain't one of them Chippendales are you?"

Face looked around, just to make sure there wasn't anybody else in the bar. "Ah, excuse me?"

"You know? One of them dancers." The bartender said.

"Right, I know what you are talking about and no, I am not," Face said and smoothed his tie nervously.

"Shame, 'cause they bring in good money."

"Well, if you would like to bring in some extra cash, Mr. Roberts, I have just the thing for you," Face said and plopped the box he had been carrying on the counter.

"What's that contraption? Looks like a speaker with a tape deck," Harry said, examining the box.

Face beamed at his interest. "This is a new invention straight from Japan. It's a Karaoke machine."

"A carrot what?" Harry asked.

"Karaoke, sir," Face said and pointed to the darkened stage. "It allows people to get on that very stage you have there and sing their hearts out for a small cover charge."

"Who'd pay to do that?" Harry asked incredulous.

"People would pay. With the right advertising, I can have this place packed wall to wall with people clamoring to sing 'Jesse's Girl'. You could make a small fortune."

"A small fortune, huh? And what do you get out of this deal?" Harry asked skeptically.

"Me? Merely a percentage," Face replied. He pulled some paperwork out of his briefcase.

Harry Roberts looked Face over with interest and glanced at the paperwork. He then pulled out some similar paperwork of his own.

"Your proposition sounds kind of interesting. I'd be willing to give it a try if you could do me a favor in exchange."

Face looked at Harry and down at what looked like some kind of contract. "What's this?"

"I had an act supposed to come through here cancel on me," the barkeep said. "I'll have to refund tons of money. Won't be good for my business. So, I am mighty interested in your machine, but only if you can make right this act."

"What was the act?" Face asked, mildly curious.

"Some performers were supposed to come do something called the full monty. Had my lady clientele in a tizzy, let me tell you. Did I mention some of the beauties that come in here?"

"Um, no you didn't," Face said. "So, you just need some performers?"

"Yep, just a few men," Harry drawled. "Seems a fair deal – I use your machine and you get me an act for the full monty. You'd clear $20,000 easy with that act. In fact, if you and a few of your friends did it you could have all that money for yourselves. Ain't much to it and all."

"$20,000?" Face choked, surprised.

"Sure thing," Harry said, and shoved his contract at Face. "You game?"

"Mr. Roberts, you have a deal," Face said.

"Alright then. If you would just print your name here," Harry said, pointing to a line at the top. "State that you and some of your associates will be performing here. And sign at the bottom."

Face signed his name with a flourish. There was no way he'd make twenty grand with the Karaoke machine.

Harry Roberts signed Face's contract as well.

"You think you can get me the act by Saturday?" Harry asked.

"Um, yeah, I know some people I can ask," Face replied, wondering whom he was going to ask.

"Alright. We'll try out your machine on Friday then. Stop by tomorrow and we'll work out the money details," Harry said.

Face headed for the door and realized there was one other question he needed to ask.

"Mr. Roberts, what exactly is the full monty?"

"Male strippers, Mr. Peck. See you tomorrow." Harry smiled at him and went back to polishing his glasses.

**-Later that evening-**

The last of the customers had left Harry's place and it was getting near closing time. He was wiping down the bar when two men dressed in dark suits came in.

They walked over to him and sat on stools in front of him.

"Long time, Harry," the taller of the two said.

"What do you want, Freddie?" Harry asked.

"Where's the money you owe us?"

"I don't have it yet. Come back after this weekend and I will," Harry said, reaching for the gun he kept hidden by the cash register.

The second thug lunged over the bar and grabbed Harry's arm, twisting it behind his back. "Don't even think about it."

Harry cried out in pain and Freddie leaned in.

"Finnegan's tired of waiting," Freddie said. "I'd hate for anything bad to happen to that pretty girl you have going to UCLA. Since you don't have the money, we'll be using your place for some business transactions."

Harry gritted his teeth. "You can't use my business as a front!"

"I can do whatever I want until you pay Finnegan what you owe him. You gamble and lose, you pay."

"I'm just trying to put my daughter through college," Harry said.

"Then you won't mind if we use your establishment," Freddie said. "Cal, let him go."

Cal shoved Harry into the shelves behind his bar. Harry's outthrust hands broke the glass shelves, cutting him and causing bottles to crash to the floor around him.

Freddie and Cal ambled out the door, chuckling.

Harry cradled his cut hands, trying to wrap them with the towel he'd been using earlier. Things were spiraling out of control. He hoped that Peck character didn't back out. He needed the money this weekend was bound to generate more than ever.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

Face fretted the entire drive over to the VA. He had called Murdock that morning and told him to be ready and waiting. Face didn't have the energy to con his friend out this time around.

When he pulled up to the front of the VA, Murdock bolted out the door and jumped into the car. Normally Face would have taken offense at the pilot getting his feet all over the car's leather seats, but today he merely peeled out of the parking lot before the orderlies knew what had happened.

Several miles down the road, Murdock breathed a sigh of relief and settled back into his seat. He glanced over at his friend.

"So, what's up, Faceguy?"

Face didn't take his eyes of the road. "I, um, thought it would be nice to spring you is all."

He fiddled nervously with his tie and checked the rearview mirror for pursuers. Murdock studied him carefully. After all these years, he could read his friend pretty well.

"Yeah?" the pilot drawled. "What's 'really' going on?"

Face sighed and finally looked over at his friend for a brief moment. "Murdock, I need some help."

"Uh oh, what did you do this time?" Murdock asked, wondering if he really wanted to know.

"What? How do you know it's something I did?" Face asked, offended.

"I know you," Murdock said.

Face was silent for a moment, mulling over whether he should tell Murdock or not. He was beginning to think he would have been better off trying to deal with Harry Roberts on his own. However, it was too late now. Murdock wouldn't let it rest until he knew the trouble Face was in.

"Ok, I found a bar to try out the Karaoke machine," he began, but a howl from Murdock cut him off before he could continue.

"That's great! When? Where?" Murdock asked, barely able to contain his glee.

"Friday," Face said. "It's a bar called Madrigals."

"Perfect, Faceman," Murdock said and looked over at his friend. He didn't look very excited about the whole deal. "What's wrong?"

"Well," Face began. "Ah, there's uh a bit more to the whole deal."

"Oh?" Murdock asked and then groaned. "Oh no! This isn't going to be like that time when the rednecks nearly killed you because of the Cowboy George incident."

"No, no, no. It's nothing like that. Honest." Face said. He reached over and opened the glove compartment. Some papers fell out into Murdock's lap. "I, uh, just have to provide the bar owner with some other, ah, 'entertainment' as well."

"Other entertainment?" Murdock asked, looking at the papers. "Like what?"

"Oh, a performing act, is all," Face said, and again smoothed his tie.

Murdock flipped through the papers and saw Face's signature at the end. He turned back to the beginning and read through the contract quickly. When he came to one portion his eyes widened and he looked over at his friend.

"Did you read this before you signed up yourself and your 'associates'?" Murdock asked, incredulous.

"We're going to get paid $20,000!" Face said defensively.

"That doesn't answer my question. Did you 'read' this?" Murdock asked again. "Do you have any idea what the full monty is, Face?"

"Yeah, male strippers," Face said. "What's the big deal? I mean it's not like strippers get completely naked."

Murdock shook his head. "You have no idea? How can you of all people not know?"

"What?" Face asked.

"Face, the full monty means 'the complete thing'," Murdock said. "In other words, everything goes."

Face slammed on the brakes, nearly causing an accident. "What do you mean 'everything goes'?"

"It means exactly what you think it means. It's the whole she-bang. The entire package. The full enchilada," Murdock snickered.

"I'd appreciate it if you would not paint elaborate analogies, Murdock," Face said, and resumed driving.

Murdock continued laughing at his friend. "Have you told BA and Hannibal yet?"

"Um, no," Face said. "I'm supposed to meet with the owner of the bar today to work out the details. That's where we are headed now. I was hoping I could get out of the contract."

Murdock smirked. "Good luck with that one. For a conman you sure do get conned."

Face gritted his teeth. "You're not helping."

"Am I supposed to?" Murdock asked. When Face didn't answer he looked over at him. "No way, Face. You can't be thinking what I 'think' you're thinking."

"It'd be an easy twenty grand," Face said.

"Hey, I'm crazy, I'll do anything and don't even need to get paid," Murdock said. "But you might want to think about taking out a life insurance policy before you tell BA."

Face had no comment for this remark and continued driving in silence to Harry Robert's bar.

When they arrived at Madrigal's, Face pulled into a spot by the curb and grabbed the contract from Murdock. He stuffed it in his breast pocket and got out of the car. Murdock jumped over the door and ignored the glare Face shot him.

They walked into the bar, only to find it empty.

"That's odd," Face said. He reached under his jacket to make sure his gun was in its holster. "Harry?"

Harry Roberts poked his head out a door behind the counter. "Oh, Mr. Peck, it's you." He came out to stand in his usual spot.

Face noticed the bandages on his hands immediately and that Harry's right arm was in a sling.

"What happened to you?" Face asked, momentarily forgetting that this was the man that had conned him into signing the contract.

"Clumsy," was all Harry said.

Face and Murdock exchanged glances and walked over to the bar.

"Are you here to iron out the details?" Harry asked.

"Um, yes, about that," Face said, and pulled the rumpled document out of his pocket.

"You're not backing out. You signed that contract," Harry said.

Before Face could answer, the two men from the previous evening entered the bar. Upon seeing Face and Murdock talking to Harry they walked over.

"Get out," Freddie said to Face. "We got business with Harry here."

Face grinned at Freddie, "Well, as you can see we are conducting some business of our own. So, if you don't mind waiting…"

Freddie grabbed the lapels of Face's jacket. "Listen up, pretty boy! I said get out!"

Face smiled weakly up at Freddie. "Ok, I can see your point. We'll be going."

Freddie released Face's lapels and shoved him against the bar. He then turned to his partner. "These pretty boys are all alike. Pansy-assed wimps."

Face nodded slightly at Murdock. They moved at the same time; Murdock lunged at Cal as Face drew his gun, grabbed the back of Freddie's jacket, spun him around and slammed his face into the bar.

Harry backed away with a cry of shock.

Murdock made short work of Cal, shoving him over a table. Both Cal and the table toppled to the floor.

Meanwhile, Face had his gun to Freddie's head. "Nobody calls me pretty boy!"

"Don't forget the pansy-assed part," Murdock chimed in, kicking Cal in the gut for good measure and to ensure that he stayed down.

Face glared over at him and then turned his attention back to Freddie. "Now, I suggest you and your partner get out of here before you really get hurt."

He dragged Freddie to the door and shoved him out. Murdock did the same with Cal.

Freddie turned around and yelled at Face and Harry who had come to the door. "You won't get away with this! We'll be back!"

He and Cal got into a black Lincoln Town Car that was parked behind the 'vette and left.

Face turned to Harry. "Would you mind telling us what that was all about?"

"They're the reason you can't back out of that contract," Harry said.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

Face had not thought it was a good idea to leave Harry alone after the incident with Freddie and Cal. Therefore he had called Hannibal and BA and asked them to meet him and Murdock at the bar.

"Hannibal said they would be here in about thirty minutes," Face said, taking a seat next to Murdock at a table near the bar.

"Did you tell them?" Murdock asked.

"No, I told them I had a potential job for us," Face said. "Hannibal seemed skeptical enough about that. I decided not to press my luck."

Harry came over and set down two glasses of soda for them before taking a seat himself.

"Thanks again for that with Freddie and Cal," he said. "Although I have to admit that I wasn't expecting a door-to-door salesman to be carrying a gun."

"Door-to-door salesman?" Face asked, looking offended.

Murdock jumped in before Face could say anything more. "Harry, how did you get involved with thugs like that in the first place?"

Harry sighed. "I've gotten in over my head. I'm not proud of it. I am trying to put my daughter, Casey through college. I have this place mortgaged to the hilt and the bank won't give me any more loans. I was desperate, so I borrowed money from Danny Finnegan."

"Who's this Danny Finnegan?" Face asked.

"He runs an illegal gambling den." Harry cut them off before they could interrupt. "I know; it was a mistake. My business has gotten better lately and I was able to pay him back. But, now he says I owe him interest. I don't know what to do."

"Sounds more like you've gotten involved with an arm of the mafia," Face mused.

"Irish Mafia?" Harry asked. "Is there such a thing?"

Murdock nodded. "Yes. They may not be as high-profile as the Italian Mafia, but they exist."

Harry looked worried. "See why you have to do the shows? Those three shows will bring in enough for me to pay Finnegan back and you'll get the money I promised you as well."

"Wait a minute," Face said. "Three shows?"

Murdock looked at his friend. "You really didn't read that contract did you?"

Face opened his mouth to reply, but was again interrupted by the door of the bar banging open. The three men turned to look and saw Hannibal and BA enter.

Both Harry and Face cringed at the sight of BA, but Murdock quickly reassured the bartender. "Don't worry, those are our friends."

Hannibal and BA took the remaining two seats at the table.

"So, Face, what's this about a job for us?" Hannibal said.

"Hannibal, BA" Face began. "This is Harry Roberts. Harry, Colonel John 'Hannibal' Smith and BA Baracus."

Face quickly recounted Harry's story about Danny Finnegan, leaving out the part about the signed contract.

Hannibal got out a cigar and chewed on it. "Well, Mr. Roberts. I don't know if my lieutenant told you, but we don't come cheap. It sounds like you are already in over your head. How are you going to pay us?"

"But Mr. Peck didn't tell you about the $20,000," Harry said.

"What's this about $20,000, Face? Seems like if Mr. Roberts has twenty grand he doesn't need our help." Hannibal turned to Harry. "Not that I don't want to see this Finnegan put away, but the simplest solution would be for you to just pay that money to him, Mr. Roberts."

Harry shook his head. "I don't have the money I owe Finnegan yet."

"Then where does this $20,000 come in?" Hannibal asked, looking confused. "Face?"

Face shifted in his seat and ran a hand through his hair. "Well, you see, Hannibal. I convinced Harry to use the Karaoke machine I was telling you about."

Hannibal looked skeptical. "Face, a Karaoke machine is not going to bring in that kind of money."

"I know," Face said, dodging around the subject.

"It's not the Karaoke machine, Mr. Smith," Harry butted in. "It's the contract Mr. Peck signed for himself and his associates."

"Contract?" Hannibal asked. "What kind of contract?"

"For a performing act," Face said. "With you being an actor I figured it would be right up your alley, Hannibal. Not to mention that it's easy money."

"What kind of act are we talking about here?" Hannibal asked, looking around the bar and taking in the stage. "Face, we aren't a band."

Face fiddled with his tie. "It's, um, not for a band."

"Ok," Hannibal said patiently. "What's it for?"

"Performing," Face said.

"Man," BA said. "You're goin' round in circles! Tell us what kind of act it is!"

Face sighed. "Ok, but promise you won't get mad." He looked pointedly at BA when he said this.

"Why would I get mad?" BA asked. "You the one that signed the contract."

"Face?" Hannibal asked again.

"Ok," Face started. "Here's the deal. Harry needed someone to fill-in for an act that cancelled on him at the last minute. If we don't come through he'll lose even more money."

"We?" Hannibal asked.

"Uh, yeah, the act requires several, ah performers, and I uh, kind of signed us up," Face said.

"Us?" BA asked. "I ain't no performer!"

"OK, BA's right, Face, you're still not telling us what we need to do. Spill it," Hannibal said.

Face sighed. "Ok, I signed us up to do the full monty."

Both BA and Hannibal looked even more confused.

"Full monty? What's that?" BA asked.

"You're joking, right?" Hannibal asked.

"Um, no," Face said.

"Let me see the contract," Hannibal said calmly.

Face pulled the document out of his pocket and handed it to the colonel.

Hannibal read over the contract and shook his head. "Strippers, Face? That isn't really our line of expertise."

"Strippers?" BA bellowed, and knocked his chair over. "Strippers? I ain't taking my clothes off for nobody, Faceman!"

Harry looked extremely worried. "But I've promised the ticket buyers at least four men. Mr. Peck signed the contract for all of you."

"What?" BA asked and moved towards Face.

Face scrambled out of his chair. "We're going to get $20,000!"

"You're gonna need it to pay your medical bills when I get done with you!" BA yelled.

"BA, you promised you weren't going to get mad," Face said, backing away.

"I didn't promise nothin'!" BA growled, lunging at the conman.

Murdock tried to hold BA back and Hannibal decided he'd better join him.

"Now, BA, let's calm down," Hannibal said.

BA ignored the both of them and lunged again, dragging them with him. Face danced out of their way.

Murdock let go of BA and applauded. "There you go, Face! Practicing already!"

With two less hands holding him back, BA grabbed Face's lapels, with Hannibal still holding on to one arm.

"You always getting' us into messes!" BA said.

Face tried to choke out a response.

"Uh, BA," Hannibal said. "I think you're choking him."

Harry looked on with a worried expression. "I think he's turning blue."

Hannibal and Murdock tried to pry BA's fingers off Face.

"Aw, come on BA, it could be fun!" Murdock said. "Just think; you may be bitten by the bug."

"Wha'chu talkin' about, Fool?" BA growled.

"The acting bug, ol' chap," Murdock replied, and loosened BA's grip on Face.

Face slipped out of his jacket and ran towards the door of the bar, leaving BA standing there holding an empty coat.

"We ain't done, Face!" BA yelled.

"I'm sure we can work something out," Face gasped. "Later!"

He ran out the door, closely followed by an enraged BA.

Hannibal and Murdock exchanged glances.

"What do you think will happen when BA finds out what the full monty means?" Murdock asked.

"I think, Captain, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it," Hannibal said and lit his cigar.

Harry looked at the two of them with a shocked expression. "Does he normally act that way?"

"Oh, don't worry about him. He's really just a big teddy bear underneath that gruff exterior," Murdock said.

Hannibal chuckled. "You know, Murdock, you might be right. This could be fun."


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four**

Hannibal, Murdock, and Harry were sitting at a table in Madrigal's discussing Danny Finnegan further.

"We need all the information you can give us on Finnegan," Hannibal said.

"Wait a minute," Harry replied. "I don't have a clue what end is up here! I thought Mr. Peck, Face, whatever you call him was a run-of-the-mill conman I could take advantage of. Then he and this Mr. Murdock waltz in here and take out two of Finnegan's goons. Then to top it all off, you and that hulking bouncer show up. Who are you people?"

Hannibal looked taken aback. "We're the A-Team."

"The A-Team?" Harry cried. "I've read about you guys! You're criminals to!"

"Mr. Roberts," Hannibal said. "We were falsely accused. We don't go around harassing business owners and taking their money. We're here to help you and are not going to take advantage of you."

"It's true, Harry," Murdock said. "We're the good guys."

"And I am not a run-of-the-mill conman!" Face said, popping up from behind the bar.

"Where'd you come from?" Harry asked.

"Back door." Face looked around. "Where's BA?"

"I sent him to check out some of Freddie and Cal's hangouts Harry told us about," Hannibal said. "Maybe the drive will cool him off a bit."

"Yeah right," Face moaned. "I'm dead."

Murdock had wandered over to survey the stage. He was shaking his head and making tsking noises.

"This is never going to do!"

"What are you talking about?" Face asked.

"This!" Murdock whirled around, waving his hands. "There's no pole. Any self-respecting stripper has to have a pole. It's a standard prop."

Face gritted his teeth. "We are not going to use poles or anything of the sort, Murdock." He groaned and sat at the table with Hannibal and Harry. "I think I'm going to be sick."

"How about chairs?" Murdock asked, following Face over. "Chairs are good. What should we wear? Maybe we should wear our uniforms. Ladies love a man in uniform."

"Yeah, I'm definitely going to be sick." Face jumped up and ran to the bathroom.

"What's with him?" Murdock asked, all innocence.

**-Later-**

BA returned with news that he had tracked down Freddie and Cal and followed them for the better part of the afternoon. The two men had harassed other business owners along the strip where Madrigal's was located and then had holed up in a dinky bar called Egan's.

Harry nodded his head at this information. "Yes, that's where Finnegan can be found on occasion."

"We should go and have a chat with Mr. Finnegan," Hannibal said. "Face, you and I will check it out. BA, Murdock, I want you to stay here in case Freddie and Cal decide to drop by."

"Will do, Colonel," Murdock said.

Face managed to avoid BA as he and Hannibal left the bar.

"Did you see the way BA was looking at me?" Face asked. "If looks could kill I'd be dead by now."

"Well," Hannibal said, getting out a cigar and lighting it. "I have to admit, Face, I don't know what you were thinking."

"I'll tell you what I'm thinking right now," Face said as he started his car. "If we can nab this Finnegan guy maybe we won't have to do the Chippendale's act at all."

"I figured out of all of us, you'd be the last one to be so worked up about it," Hannibal replied.

"I don't want to talk about it," Face said and then changed the subject. "What are we doing here anyway, Hannibal? Do you have a plan or are we just going to walk into Egan's?"

"That was the plan," Hannibal said.

"Oh, that's a great plan," Face sarcastically replied.

"Yeah, it is," Hannibal said, and smiled over at his second.

Egan's was a shabby looking place on the inside and out. A cheap sign with the bar's name hung over the doorway. The bar consisted of a long counter to the left of the door and a few tables by the windows opposite the bar. At the back of the room was a door and two arcade machines.

"Nice place," Face said. "Real cozy."

A buxom redhead was tending the bar.

"Can I help ya, fellas?" she asked with just a hint of an Irish accent.

Hannibal and Face walked over to the bar.

"We're looking for Danny," Hannibal said.

"Who's askin', em?" The barmaid responded.

"Johnny," Hannibal said. "I have business with him."

She gave them the once over and then walked to the door in the back. Knocking, she stuck her head in, said a few words, and then came back to Hannibal.

"He'll be right out."

Face smiled at her. "So, what's your name?"

"Maggie," she answered, softening slightly.

"Maggie. That's a pretty name," he replied. "Do you think we could have a bottle of scotch and a couple of glasses while we wait?"

She nodded and got the glasses and bottle.

"Thanks, Maggie," Hannibal said. "You can leave the bottle."

He poured two glasses, accidentally sloshing some onto the bar. He set the bottle near Face's elbow. While they waited, Hannibal got out a cigar and puffed on it slowly.

Maggie went to hover by the back door. After a few more minutes the door opened to reveal a tall, fair complected redheaded man, followed by Freddie and Cal. Freddie's nose was sporting a bandage across the bridge.

"You're handy work?" Hannibal whispered to Face.

Face shrugged. "He called me 'pretty boy'."

"Hey!" Freddie yelled. "That's the guy who was at Harry's this afternoon!"

Danny Finnegan raised a hand to prevent Freddie from lunging past him.

"What can I do for you, wankers?" he asked. "Don't believe I know anyone named Johnny."

"I hear your boys were in Harry's this afternoon making trouble," Hannibal said matter-of-factly. He rolled his cigar between his fingers.

Face casually put his hands in his pockets and leaned against the bar.

"Yeah? What's it to you?" Danny asked.

"Harry's paid you fair and square, pal. I'm here to tell you to lay-off," Hannibal said.

"Em, ya hear him, fellas?" Danny looked at his two partners. "He wants us to lay-off."

Freddie leered. "Hey, pretty boy. It's three against two this time. What do you and your grandpa think of that?"

Hannibal glanced at Face. "Did he just call me grandpa?"

"Uh, yeah, I think he did," Face said, and shook his head sadly. "Some people never learn."

"Huh," Hannibal grunted. He looked at the cigar between his fingers and then flipped it into the puddle of scotch he had spilt earlier. Small flames erupted immediately.

Face quickly moved away from the bar, pulling his hands out of his pockets and knocking the bottle of scotch over.

The flames spread across the top of the bar.

"Don't just stand there you eejits!" Danny yelled at Freddie and Cal. "Get somethin' to put that out!"

Cal and Freddie dashed to the back room and came back with fire extinguishers.

"I see you have your hands full here, so we will be leaving," Hannibal said. "If you don't want something other than your bar top to get damaged I suggest you leave Harry Roberts alone."

Danny Finnegan seethed.

"You won't get away with this!" He yelled to Hannibal and Face's retreating backs.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five**

In the car heading back to Madrigal's Face questioned Hannibal on whether it had been wise to harass Danny Finnegan that way.

"He's sure to retaliate, Hannibal," he said.

"That's the idea, Face," Hannibal replied.

"And here I thought this was going to be an easy twenty thousand," Face groaned. "This keeps getting better and better."

When they arrived back at Harry's bar, Murdock had taken the liberty of setting up the Karaoke machine.

He was wrapping up a heartfelt rendition of 'Memory' when he spotted Face and Hannibal entering the bar. Jumping off the stage he ran over to them and slung his arm around Face's shoulders.

"I'm so glad you're back," he said. "I found a song for us!"

"A song for 'us'?" Face asked, afraid of the answer.

"Yeah!" Murdock said. "I've been thinking about what we should perform to and I think this song is perfect. It's all about us."

"Oh, we're back on that again," Face said. He had hoped, upon seeing Murdock singing Karaoke that the crazy man had moved on from his fixation with the full monty act. Obviously, he had been wrong.

Murdock ignored him and continued. "What do you think about the song 'Holding Out For a Hero'?"

"Not much," was Face's reply as he extricated himself from his friend's arm and headed over to the bar.

Murdock pouted.

"If it's any consolation, Captain," Hannibal chipped in. "I think your choice is inspired."

"Really, Colonel?" Murdock asked sincerely. "You really think so?"

BA, who had been standing by the door acting as a bouncer scowled at the both of them. "I don't know which one of you's crazier."

He left them to work out the logistics of the 'show' and went over to where Face was nursing a beer.

"And as for you," BA growled. "You'd better be thinking of who's gonna be takin' my place 'cause I ain't doin' no strippin', Faceman."

"Yeah?" Face asked. "You think I want to do this anymore than you?"

"You's the ladies man," BA said.

"So?" Face retorted. "The whole idea of being a ladies man is keeping them guessing. I'd say the full monty pretty much nips that idea in the bud, as they'll get an eyeful of everything."

"Fellas," Murdock said, coming up behind them. "You're both looking at this thing in entirely the wrong light."

"Really, Murdock?" Face asked.

"Sure," Murdock said. "I mean, what are the chances these women will ever see any of us again?"

"They'll be seeing plenty," Face replied. "The full monty doesn't leave anything to the imagination."

"What'chu talkin' about?" BA asked.

"Oh, didn't we tell you," Hannibal chimed in. "The full monty means we let it all go."

"WHAT?" BA roared.

"Here we go again," Face grumbled. "Thanks a lot, the both of you."

He slid off his barstool and tried to make a mad dash for the backroom seconds before BA rammed into him.

**-Later-**

"lies the seed

that with the sun's love

in the spring

becomes the rose"

There was a smattering of polite applause as the young women stepped off the stage after finishing a slightly off-key version of 'The Rose'.

Murdock howled from the side of the stage and beckoned another patron to try out the machine. A young man stepped up and the strains of 'War!' issued from the Karaoke box.

His voice warbled, "War – huh – yeah. What is it good for? Absolutely nothin'!"

Harry cringed from behind the bar and looked at Hannibal. "I'm beginning to think this wasn't such a good idea."

Face was sitting next to Hannibal, holding a raw steak to his eye. "Would you trust me? I'm telling you the word will spread. Tomorrow you can have them pay a cover charge."

"How's the eye?" Hannibal asked.

Face set the steak on a plate. "Oh, it's great."

Hannibal checked his lieutenant's black and blue left eye. "That's a beaut. BA does nice work."

"Ha ha," Face replied. "I prefer his work to be on someone other than me, thanks."

"Don't worry, I think he got most of it out of his system," Hannibal said. "Mind you, he's still not too happy with you at the moment."

Face looked over to where BA was lurking by the door. The big man scowled back at him and the conman quickly turned back around.

"Yeah, I'll be staying out of his way for awhile," Face said.

"Good idea," Hannibal said. "Ok, we need to decide what we are going to do with Finnegan. He didn't strike me as being too bright."

"From the sound of it when Freddie and Cal came in here, I would assume their business consisted of drug deals, but I'm just making an educated guess," Face said.

Hannibal nodded. "Illegal gambling and drugs. I wouldn't be surprised, but we'll need proof. Ideas on how to get into Finnegan's back room at his bar?"

"We'd need a distraction and then I might be able to slip in through the back," Face said.

"A distraction?" Hannibal said, musingly. "Wonder what we can come up with?"

Both he and Face turned towards the stage, where Murdock was standing.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six**

Murdock, dressed in a non-descript outfit of blue trousers, white shirt, red suspenders with matching bowtie, and sporting a huge moustache entered Egan's the following morning. Espying Maggie behind the bar, he ambled over.

"A good mornin' to ya, lass," he said, with a Scottish brogue.

Maggie looked him over. "Em, mornin'. How can I help ya?"

"Is your boss in?" Murdock asked. "I was informed you had a wee bit of an accident here yesterday."

He made a point of examining the scorched bar top, and then flashed an ID in her general direction. "I'm here to make a surprise inspection. Bein' a fire inspector and all."

She looked uncomfortably at him. "You aren't the usual inspector."

"Aye, 'tis true," Murdock conceded. "He's been transferred."

"Danny's not here," Maggie said. "He had some business that needed attendin' to this mornin'."

"Well then, I suppose I'll be speakin' to you then," Murdock said and sat on a stool to observe the shelves behind the barmaid.

He shook his head sadly. "I'm afraid you're not goin' to pass inspection. You have highly flammable substances all over the place. It's no wonder this place nearly burned down yesterday."

Maggie looked at him like he was crazy. "Em, this is a bar."

"Aye that it is and look at the state of it!" Murdock said, his voice rising. "Flammables open. Cigarette butts on the floor just a beggin' to be set fire to!"

He wandered over to one of the arcade machines and kicked it. "A sorry excuse for a video game machine. Pac Man? PAC MAN? Where's Ms. Pac Man? Every bar owner knows they should have Ms. Pac Man. Where are the dartboards? The pool tables? Foosball, lass! Tell me you have a foosball table in here someplace. Perhaps you're hidin' it behind the bar there."

By this point he was yelling and sounding highly offended. The door to the back room banged open and Cal and Freddie burst out.

"What's going on out here?" Freddie asked.

Maggie merely pointed at Murdock. The two men looked over at Murdock who was examining the two tables by the dirty windows.

"Only two tables, lads? Where do your customers sit? This is the worst bar I've ever been in."

"Get out of here!" Cal yelled.

"Is this how you treat your customers?" Murdock asked, shocked.

"I thought you said you were the fire inspector," Maggie said.

"He ain't no fire inspector. Probably some crazy bum off the street," Cal said.

"I cannae believe you said that!" Murdock cried. "I am not a bum."

Freddie and Cal grabbed Murdock by the arms to drag him out the door and the pilot began struggling.

"Arse bandits! I'll have none of that! Unhand me you rat scallions! You pie eaters!"

He grabbed onto the edge of the bar and clung for dear life.

Maggie backed away. "He's a nutter, this one is!"

"Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don't," Murdock sang.

Freddie grabbed Murdock's legs while Cal plucked the crazy man's fingers from the bar and clutched his wrists. They carried him out the door and flung him to the ground.

"Don't come back if you know what's good for you, you crazy lunatic!" Freddie yelled.

He and Cal walked back into the bar and slammed the door shut.

"I can't be crazy and a lunatic! It's one or the other!" Murdock yelled at the closed door. "What's wrong with askin' about a dart board? The customer's always right!"

Face, wearing a three-piece navy blue suit, strolled around the corner of the building swinging a briefcase.

Murdock caught sight of his friend and scrambled to his feet.

"You haven't heard the last of me!" he yelled at the darkened windows of Egan's and ran after his friend.

"Did you get what we needed?" Murdock asked.

"Yeah, I think," Face replied. "I didn't exactly have time to look through it all, so I just took everything. It won't take them long to discover the safe's empty."

"Then we'd better get back and tell Hannibal we'll be expecting company," Murdock commented and they headed for the corvette.

Hannibal was chuckling by the time they had finished looking over Danny Finnegan's papers.

"I knew these jokers were knuckleheads, but this is a bit too easy," he said.

"Well, when the best they can come up with is 'you won't get away with this' the two times we've dealt with them, I knew we weren't dealing with rocket scientists," Face commented.

"Did you call immigration, Harry?" Hannibal asked.

"I did," Harry replied, smiling.

"Then by tonight, Danny Finnegan will be on his way back to Ireland, and I can guarantee that without him around to tell them what to do Freddie and Cal will fade into the sunset," Hannibal said.

"Man, what about until then?" BA grumbled. "He's probably on his way here now to get that stuff Faceman stole back."

"Perfect," Hannibal grinned. "Then when the immigration guy gets here we can give him both Danny and his expired green card. Between that and these papers documenting his money laundering and illegal gambling ring, Harry and anyone else Finnegan's harassing shouldn't have to worry about hearing from him again."

At that moment a Molotov cocktail sailed through the bar window sporting all the posters, shattering glass all over the floor near the table the team and Harry were sitting at. The bottle smashed to the floor, splattering its contents and starting a small fire.

"Murdock, get Harry out of here," Hannibal commanded, running to the bar to grab a fire extinguisher to put out the fire. "Face, BA, flank the window."

Murdock hustled a worried Harry out towards the back. "My bar! They're going to ruin me!"

Another lethal bomb flew through the window and landed precariously near the bar and the flammable liquor behind.

"Face!" Hannibal yelled.

Face abandoned his useless post by the window and grabbed another extinguisher to douse the fire near the bar.

Murdock shoved Harry into the back room and returned carrying two automatic rifles, which he handed to the colonel, who, in turn, went to join BA by the window. They immediately spread a shower of bullets on the pavement in front of the car Finnegan and his goons were obviously hiding behind.

"Murdock, grab some rags and a couple of bottles from the bar," Hannibal called from the window.

The pilot grabbed a few half empty bottles while Face; having put the fire out, grabbed a handful of rags and a bucket. Murdock dumped one of the bottles into the bucket and Face dipped the rags in the liquor before twisting them into the bottles.

"I think we should give them a taste of their own medicine," he said grimly. "Don't you agree, Murdock?"

Murdock grinned and grabbed the completed bottles.

The two men moved to the window where BA and Hannibal were continuing to lay down cover fire, preventing their attackers from throwing any more bombs into the building.

Taking up a position next to his team members, Murdock readied his weapons.

"On the count of three, Murdock," Hannibal said, igniting his lighter. "One…two…THREE!"

The captain tossed the bottles out the window in quick succession. After a moment a huge explosion was heard. They waited a few moments to be safe, but save the clanging of pieces of metal and the crackling of a fire, nothing else could be heard.

Looking over the windowsill, they saw that the car the three thugs had been hiding behind was now resting on its roof and was in flames. A hubcap still spun in the middle of the street. Finnegan, Cal, and Freddie lay groaning on the sidewalk.

"I love it when a plan comes together," Hannibal grinned.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter Seven**

Hannibal entered the dressing room in the back of Madrigal's carrying a small paper bag and wearing a shit-eating grin.

Murdock jumped up from the sofa he had been lounging on with Face and scampered over to his colonel.

"Hannibal! Check this out!" He practically screamed with delight and ripped his pants off, revealing his tidy-whities underneath.

A groan emitted from the ashen faced lieutenant on the sofa. "Murdock."

BA stepped out of the restroom and glared at the crazy man. "Fool! Put your pants back on!"

Hannibal continued grinning. "Where'd you get those, Murdock?"

"Face and I went to a specialty shop today," Murdock replied, attempting to put the dress slacks back on. "They're trick pants, with snaps on the side. Neato, huh?"

"So, you settled on a theme, I suppose?"

"Oh, yeah. We decided to…" Murdock began.

"We?" Face interrupted. "There was no 'we', Murdock. And for the record," he continued, looking over at BA. "I want it to be known that I was dragged to that store against my will."

"Sure, sure, Face," Murdock said, still struggling with his pants. "I won't tell them about the pretty salesgirl, or how you gave her tickets to the show."

"What?" BA yelled. "I thought you was on my side, Faceman!"

"Well," Face said, "She, uh, she talked me into it. And gave us a discount on these outfits Murdock insisted on."

"Man!" BA exclaimed and plopped into a chair in front of a dressing table.

"Anyway, before I was rudely interrupted," Murdock continued. "We decided to go with the military theme. It is what we do best, after all."

"That it is," Hannibal agreed, and held up the bag he was holding. "And I've been doing a little shopping myself."

BA glared at the tiny bag. "What's that?"

Hannibal opened the bag and tossed a small ball of blue string to each of his men, keeping one for himself.

"Oh, this is nice," Face said. "We can play cat in the cradle. Murdock will love that."

"It's not yarn, Face," Hannibal said, and shook out his ball.

BA and Face stared at the shimmery blue 'thing' dangling from their colonel's fingers with gaping mouths, while Murdock howled his delight.

"G-strings," Hannibal chuckled. "Aren't they nice?"

"You have got to be kidding me," Face said.

"Hey," Hannibal replied. "You're the one who got us into this mess, remember?"

"Yeah, but we got rid of Danny Finnegan. He's on a slow boat back to Ireland!" Face whined.

"You signed the contract." Hannibal reminded him.

Face crossed his arms over his chest. "I am NOT wearing this!"

Hannibal chuckled some more. "You won't have to – for long."

While Face pouted on the couch, Hannibal and Murdock looked over their purchases. The 'uniforms' consisted of a Navy white dress coat and slacks with the standard dress shirt and tie and an officer's hat to top it off.

"Nice, Murdock," Hannibal said and then clapped his hands to get BA and Face's attention. "Ok guys, here's the deal. It's been a while since we've been in the Army, sharing barracks, showers, etc. We need to feel comfortable around each other. That being said get undressed."

Again, Face and BA stared at Hannibal with gaping mouths.

"Excuse me?" Face finally asked.

"It's either that or the two of you drop right now and give me 50." Hannibal replied.

BA glared at Face. "Faceman, you gonna owe me – BIG TIME when this is over!"

"Come on, guys!" Murdock said, already half undressed. "This'll be fun. Think of it as male bonding."

"Fool!" BA griped. "Male bonding is watching the game. Not gettin' nekkid!"

Hannibal was hanging his safari jacket on the back of a chair. "I'm serious, fellas. We promised Harry we would do this and we are. Strip. That's an order."

In sullen silence, on BA and Face's parts, the four men disrobed. BA's and Murdock's clothes lay in crumpled piles on the floor while Face and Hannibal took time to fold each article neatly.

Soon, they were standing in the middle of the room in their underwear. Camouflaged and burgundy boxers, and black and white BVDS.

"Ok, this is as far as I'm going," Face said, tugging on his burgundy boxers.

"Me too!" BA agreed, keeping a hand on the waistband of his camos.

Hannibal looked over at his two mutinous men. "What are you two going to do when you get on stage? Stand just like you are now, holding your pants up?"

"Yeah," Murdock agreed, now buck naked and prancing around the room.

"Murdock! Do you mind?" Face asked, trying not to look.

Hannibal calmly stepped out of his briefs, crossed his arms over his chest and waited.

Sighing, Face dropped his shorts.

BA fumed silently and glared at the lieutenant. "I want you all to turn around! No lookin'!"

They did as they were told, and after much huffing and puffing BA stepped out of his boxers.

"Can we turn around now?" Murdock asked.

"No, sucker!" BA yelled.

Murdock started snickering. "Oh my god! Face, what is on your ass? Is that a tattoo?"

Face whirled around, covering his behind. "What? Stop looking at my butt!"

Murdock was jumping on his toes and pointing. "You have a tattoo! You!"

"Shut up, Murdock."

Not being able to resist all the commotion, BA turned around. "Faceman, has a tattoo? Of what?"

Murdock snickered some more.

"It's not funny!"

Hannibal pulled a cigar out of his jacket and leaned back on a table. "See? Was that so hard?"


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter Eight**

BA couldn't look at Face without giggling. Having to get naked was a small price to pay to find out the conman's little 'secret'.

"Alright, that does it! I'm definitely getting it removed as soon as all of this is over," Face said.

"Aw, but it's cute," Murdock replied.

Face glared at the pilot. "What did I tell you about looking at my butt?"

"Aw, but it's cute," Murdock retorted.

"That's it!" Face lunged at Murdock, allowing BA and Hannibal to get a good look at the tattoo. It was a full-color rendition of Marvin the Martian from Looney Toons.

BA's giggling turned to full-blown laughter. Hannibal clamped down on his cigar and pulled Face off Murdock, whom he had pushed into a corner.

Murdock continued grinning at Face, oblivious to the lieutenant's ire. "At least now we know why you were so hesitant about this whole thing."

Face attempted to squirm out of his CO's grasp. "Let me at him, Hannibal. I won't hurt him – much!"

"Alright, guys! Cool it!" The colonel said, not letting go of his second.

BA tried to contain his laughter. "Come on, Faceman. Lighten up. We's just teasin' you."

"Easy for you to say," Face replied. "This is embarrassing!"

"So you have Marvin the Martian on your ass?" Murdock asked.

"Why do you have Marvin the Martian on your butt?" BA asked.

Face sighed. "Randi talked me into it."

"Is there nothing a girl can't talk you into?" Hannibal asked.

BA just shook his head, but Murdock took it one step further. "You'll do anything to get laid."

"Hey!" Face protested. "I was tipsy at the time! It had nothing to do with sex!"

"Sure," Murdock replied. "Faceman, you'd have to be soused or horny to get that put on your butt."

Face dragged Hannibal across the floor trying to get to Murdock, yet again. The crazy man snickered, and scampered to hide behind a giggling BA.

"Enough!" Hannibal bellowed, and all three men froze. "We have more important things to worry about right now, guys. Like, getting ready for the show. It's in three days, remember?"

That was enough to bring them all to their senses. Hannibal continued. "We are at a disadvantage, unless one of you knows how to dance."

"I take girls dancing all the time," Face said.

"That's not what I'm talking about and you know it," Hannibal replied.

Murdock raised his hand. "I can do it. I could work up a routine for us."

"You?" BA asked.

Murdock nodded his head. "What do you think I do all day at the VA? It gets boring in there."

"So, you make up stripper routines?" Face asked.

"No!" Murdock said. "But I do know a thing or two about dancing. We have a creative movement class every Thursday. I've never missed a lesson."

"Great!" Hannibal said, finally letting his lieutenant go. "Murdock, you're in charge of coming up with a routine for us. BA, you're in charge of getting the sound and light systems together for both the Karaoke machine and our act. Face, you're in charge of advertising."

"What are you going to do?" Face asked.

"Get dressed," Hannibal replied and started putting his clothes back on.

**-later that day-**

Murdock was standing on the stage in Madrigal's waiting for the rest of the team to show up. A necktie was knotted loosely around his neck and he was looking over a notepad.

Harry stood behind the bar, scrubbing the countertop, getting it ready for when he opened for happy hour.

Murdock put his notepad down on a nearby chair and began to slowly gyrate his hips and turn around in a circle at the same time. Face and BA came in just in time to see Murdock whip the tie off and shimmy it down his back. Both men made a beeline for the bar.

"Whiskey," Face croaked.

"Milk!" BA growled.

Harry quickly poured them their drinks and they downed them in one gulp.

"Another," they both said at the same time.

The bar owner obliged.

"Like I said before – you OWE me." BA grumbled at Face.

Hannibal walked in from the back and spotted his two men at the bar.

"Good, you two are here. Murdock wants to rehearse."

"Looks like he's doin' fine without us," BA said.

"Okay, let me rephrase," Hannibal said, smiling. "He wants _us_ to rehearse. Now that you've had your fortification, let's go."

They made their way through the tables to the stage. Murdock draped the tie around his shoulders and grinned at them.

"You guys ready?" he asked. "Today we are going to learn the art of taking our clothes off in a rhythmical manner."

"Huh?" BA asked.

"How to undress to a beat, Big Guy." Murdock appended, and handed a necktie to each of them. "Let's start with something easy. Put these on."

After they had done as they were told, Murdock lined them up in a straight line across the stage.

"Okay, now, all I want you guys to do is undo the tie and whip it off," Murdock said. "On the count of three. One…two…three…"

"OW! My eye!" Face yelped as Hannibal's tie hit him in the face.

Meanwhile, BA was strangling himself in his failed attempt to undo his tie.

Murdock sighed. "Boy, are we gonna suck."


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter Nine**

BA peeked through the curtain and immediately wished he hadn't.

"What is it, BA?" Face nervously asked, tugging on his white jacket. "What did you see?"

"My," BA started. "My mama's out there!"

"What?" Face yelped and pushed the big man aside to take a look. He paled considerably. "How can you even tell? It's standing room only out there."

"Great, isn't it?" Hannibal asked. "I invited some producers from the studio. I think this could be the boost my career needed."

"Boost? Are you planning on going into porn now, Hannibal?" Face asked, still scanning the crowd. "Oh my God! Amy's here! I thought she was overseas."

"I called her," Murdock said. "When she heard about this she said she wouldn't miss it for the world."

"I hate to disappoint Amy but we can't do this," Face said. "BA's mom is here."

"I know. I called her too. She was practically on the next plane to LA before I had a chance to hang up the phone. Besides, it isn't like she hasn't already seen his goods," Murdock replied.

They all waited for the inevitable choking this remark was bound to elicit. Instead, they turned to see BA standing off to the side, staring off into space in a catatonic state.

"Huh," Hannibal said, and snapped his fingers in front of the dazed man's face.

"I'm beginning to wonder who has the psychosis around here," Face complained. "BA has awfully convenient phobias that crop up when the need suits him."

"I'll snap him out of it," Hannibal said and then barked in a commanding voice. "Move it, Sergeant!"

BA came to attention, saluted, yelled, "Yes sir!" and marched over to the stage entrance.

Hannibal grinned. "See?"

"What about BA's mom?" Face asked. "She'll be traumatized."

Hannibal looked through a crack in the curtain. "Looks like she's enjoying herself, Face."

Murdock grinned at his friend. "Looks like you just ran out of excuses. Let's get this show on the road."

Taking this as his cue, Harry hit play on the stereo system and the intro drums and keyboard of Bonnie Tyler's "Holdin' out for a Hero" began blaring through the sound system. It was nearly drowned out by the screams of excitement that erupted from the eager audience as soon as the music began. Multicolored lights began sweeping across the floor and a disco ball hanging from the ceiling over center stage reflected them out into the audience.

Murdock stepped up to the curtain, dragging Face behind him. Hannibal positioned BA behind his lieutenant and took up the rear of the line. He and Murdock had decided this was the best line-up as they could keep BA and Face from making a run for it – in theory.

As the curtain went up the roar from the crowd was deafening, and all four men froze like deer in headlights. BA was the first to snap out of it and made a beeline for the curtain, only to be stopped by a hand grabbing his arm.

"Now, BA," Hannibal said. "You can't let us down, and you wouldn't want to disappoint your mama. Let's get out there and knock 'em dead." With that, he guided BA back into his place, just as a spotlight shone on Murdock and Bonnie began to sing.

'Where have all the good men gone and where are all the gods?'

Murdock grinned and waved at the audience as the light moved to Face. He looked up from where he had been studying his shoes and blinked into the blinding light. The audience broke out in raucous laughter.

'Where's the street wise Hercules to fight the rising odds?'

BA was the next victim and he chose to glare out into the audience. The spotlight swung over to Hannibal who smiled, clicked his heels together and yelled, "Attention!"

The audience practically swooned at the authority in his voice.

'Isn't there a white knight upon a fiery steed?

Late at night I toss and I turn and I dream of what I need.'

The three younger members of the team came to attention and stiffly saluted Hannibal as he walked by them.

"Fall in!" Hannibal barked, turned on his heel, and waited for Murdock, Face, and BA to march downstage before returning to his place beside BA.

'I need a hero. I'm holding out for a hero till the end of the night.

He's gotta strong and he's gotta be fast

And gotta be fresh from the fight.'

As they moved to center stage, they deftly removed their ties with one hand and swung them over their heads like lassos before letting them go to fly out into the audience. Women were scrambling over each other to grab the neckwear.

'I need a hero. I'm holding out for a hero till the morning light.

He's gotta be sure and he's gotta be soon

And he's gotta be larger than life. Larger than life.'

Murdock gyrated forward. When he reached his spot front and center, he slowly turned around in a circle as he unbuttoned his jacket. After a full rotation he grabbed the lapels of his coat and pulled it off his shoulders, as the three men behind him did the same.

"Aaaaaawoooooooo!" Amy shouted from the bar, waving a margarita. "Take it all off, baby!"

They all finished removing their jackets and slapped them on the stage in a figure eight pattern before tossing them into the wings.

'Somewhere after midnight in my wildest fantasies'

Murdock trotted back in line and shoved Face forward, who slowly unbuttoned the top two buttons of his shirt before stopping and attempting to sidle back into the relative safety of the line-up. He didn't get far, as both Murdock and BA stopped him.

'Somewhere just beyond my reach there's someone reaching back for me.'

"Quit hemming and hawing and take it off already!" a woman near the front of the stage yelled and made kissing lips at Face.

Even Murdock looked terrified for a brief moment. "Who knew women could be such animals? Better do what she says or she might do it for you." And he pushed Face back out in front.

The woman and her cohorts cheered and threw twenties onto the stage.

At the sight of the money, Face gained newfound confidence finished unbuttoning his shirt and grinned, which caused several young women to nearly faint. More money was flung upon the stage.

'Racing on the thunder and rising with the heat'

Face blew a kiss at his heckler and went back to his spot in line. When he arrived, all four turned around so their backs were to the audience, looked over their shoulders, and dropped their shirts to the stage.

'It's gonna take a Superman to sweep me off my feet.'

The audience went wild.

BA stomped downstage and glared at the audience as he flexed his muscles. Women were beside themselves at the rippling mass of muscle.

"Owww! You are a Nubian god!" A woman with golden skin drooled up at BA.

He grinned shyly and turned slowly in a circle.

'I need a hero. I'm holding out for a hero till the end of the night.

He's gotta strong and he's gotta be fast

And gotta be fresh from the fight.'

BA had blatantly refused to remove any clothing while he was standing downstage. He and Murdock had nearly come to blows over this, as Murdock thought this compromised the integrity of his choreography. However, they had come to an agreement that as long as BA merely took off his belt Murdock would be satisfied.

Looking out from beneath his eyelashes, which only proved to drive the crowd more insane, BA unbuckled his belt and slid it off. As he moved back to his spot, Murdock trotted downstage past him, riding his belt like a horse.

"Hey, tall, dark, and handsome!" A buxom blonde cried out. "You can ride me anytime!"

Increasing amounts of money were thrown onstage along with business cards and cocktail napkins with telephone numbers scrawled on them.

'I need a hero. I'm holding out for a hero till the morning light.

He's gotta be sure and he's gotta be soon

And he's gotta be larger than life. Larger than life.'

Hannibal stepped down and Murdock halted his shenanigans immediately, saluted, and marched back in line.

Hannibal wasted no time removing his belt with a loud snap and held it taut between his hands as he raised it above his head. Turning slowly, he lowered it behind his back, all the while keeping constant eye contact with his captive audience. His searing look caused many of the women to clutch their chests as they suffered heart palpitations.

'Up where the mountains meet the heavens above

Out where the lightening splits the sea

I can swear there is someone somewhere watching me.'

Murdock looked on in awe, nearly forgetting to turn with Face and BA as Hannibal was.

"Would you look at him working the audience?" he gasped. "He's a pro! And clearly has been holding out in rehearsal."

"Shut up, fool!" BA growled. "You's getting off from the rest of us!"

"Yeah, Murdock," Face whispered. "Pay attention! I always had trouble with this next bit and need to concentrate."

Hannibal slashed the belt out to his side like a whip and then whirled it around in a circle before letting it slip through his fingers and slither off stage.

He proceeded to march down to the front of the stage and to the left, while the rest of the team followed suit to line up with him in their initial formation.

'Through the wind and the chill and the rain

and the storm and the flood

I can feel his approach like a fire in my blood'

Hannibal looked down the line at Murdock, who nodded.

"At ease!" Hannibal bellowed.

They ceased marching and stood at parade rest. BA swallowed a lump in his throat and repeated a silent mantra to himself. 'We're gonna give the money to the children's center. We're gonna give the money…'

Face attempted not to look sick as he thought, 'I never should have told BA we'd give the money to the children's center.'

Murdock grinned maniacally and raised his hands above his head and waited for the others to do the same. Then as the chorus chanted…

'Like a fire in my blood, like a fire my blood

Like a fire in my blood, like a fire in my – Ah! Ah'

…they slid their hands down their bare chests, abdomens, to their waists, paused, and then continued, bending their knees as their hands continued to travel down their thighs; only to return back up the same path, to stop this time at their hips. Sliding their thumbs along the waistband and grabbing the sides, they pulled down and up and out, undoing all the snaps at once and tossing the white pants behind them, and revealing the glistening blue g-strings.

The audience was on its feet, yelling and screaming. Flashes went off as Amy stood on a barstool and took pictures with her camera.

A hand crept up from the audience and tucked a twenty in Hannibal's thong. He looked down and saw Mrs. Baracus standing there. She winked at him as BA gasped in shock.

"Mama!"

"Honey, I ain't dead yet!" She replied and sidled back to her place near Amy at the bar.

Other women rushed to the foot of the stage to get in on the action. Bills fluttered around them as they tried to get their hands on some part of the four men onstage.

"Gah!" Murdock cried at the sudden onslaught.

'I need a hero. I'm holding out for a hero till the end of the night.

He's gotta be strong and he's gotta be fast

And he's gotta be fresh from the fight.'

The team backed up to center stage, out of harm's way, and placing their hands on their hips, turned around. They swayed their hips from side to side, in a slow, calculated manner. Women were fanning themselves with their hands as the toned buttocks came into view.

"Yeah baby!" a voice rang out. "Marvin the Martian rules!"

Face turned beet-red as the rest of the team guffawed.

"Hear that, Face?" Murdock heckled. "Marvin rules."

"It's definitely coming off!" Face said.

"I'm so glad you said that," Hannibal remarked. "Because, you're right. Fellas, it's now or never. About face!"

"Oh god," BA muttered as they all whirled around.

"Waaaaahooooo! Take it all off!" an audience member cried.

'I need a hero. I'm holding out for a hero till the end of the night.

He's gotta be sure and he's gotta be soon'

The audience began chanting. "Full mon-ty. Full mon-ty. Full mon-ty!"

"Rip it off like a band-aid," Murdock said, attempting to rally the troops. "The quicker you do it, the less painful it will be and the sooner it will be over."

"On the count of three," Hannibal said. "One…two…"

"THREE!"

Blurs of blue floated out into the audience, as hands stretched out to catch the coveted pieces of cloth. The audience swelled, jumping to their feet, applauding loudly.

"That's what I'm talking about!" someone yelled. "Real men!"

"Hoo! Hoo! Hoo! Hoo! Ow, baby!" "Aaaroooooo!" "Lord have mercy!"

'And he's gotta be larger than life

Larger than life.'

And there stood the team, in all their manly glory, basking in the warm glow from the stage lights and their adoring audience. They turned to each other, grinning and jumped in the air giving high-fives as the lights and music faded out.

"I love it when the full monty comes together!" Murdock crowed.

As does the appreciative female audience already clamoring to buy tickets for the next show.

Curtain


End file.
